Social Schism

The moment after a calamity when people feel the need to help to save face to give an impression of a relationship to be good people The reality of having to hold their hand through it be aware of their feelings be ready to see who they areĀ  Bracing myself for more loss more disappointment… Continue reading Social Schism

I got out

I haven’t looked in a while I have not wanted images of my past life I have cut out and censored I have protected myself Sometimes it even feels like it is gone But all I did was leave The hell I left still goes on Everyone is still there intact free existing in their… Continue reading I got out


There are so many more words for this state It is more than a feeling It is an all-consuming condition I felt fine until an apparent trigger that sent me off my orbit into a dark space where I made all the wrong decisions and my life will amount to nothing I want to live… Continue reading Anxiety

Coming up

Coming up for air Coming out for light Transcending Checking out Opening up My perception has shifted I have new thoughts I have forgotten what my comfort zone was Things are both less and more important Connection is so different I cannot explain it in terms of its origins Tragedy has another definition Pain is… Continue reading Coming up


Before I go on with my writing project I feel that I need to acknowledge the reaction I have gotten from the work so far. My last post has seemingly scared and alarmed people. The expression of my despair was taken as a cry for help and a representation of my entirety. It defined me… Continue reading Manifesto

How do I know?

How do I know if I had an epiphany or if I am having a post-traumatic stress episode? I trust nobody and nothing I doubt my decisions I feel out of control desperately wanting to get it back I want to destroy in order to cleanse I detest who I thought I loved It seems… Continue reading How do I know?


Calvinist Capitalist short-sighted I don’t need to explain excuse or discuss my choice right now to do nothingĀ  with my life Existing proves I have a right to be here no more no less than someone doing something with their life Something of course meaning money work purpose Something is never anything like reflecting functioning… Continue reading Something


Anger swirling around At first it was general linking past and present Old anguish and injustice mixed with the loss of today Our son dying because my body let me down Not for the first time Albeit differently Something went wrong It is being investigated It could save his brothers and sisters But what about… Continue reading Anger


Luck Chance Fate Words to explain things that make no sense events without logic loses for no reason gains without work Just being alive There is so much we will never understand The seeking keeps us going Curiosity Mystery We would all lose the will if we actually knew what is was all about


The brace is off Any security in a belief and value system is gone My faith is dwindling I am seeping into an existential crisis Which I have been told is the most normal thing I have gone through My head can no longer contain the pressure inside it My chest is imploding There is… Continue reading Existence