Korinna McRobert

Looking back

I looked through some old work today, went through some archive. I am cautiously but excitedly trying to conceive a new work. I am looking at what I have already created, as the root of new creation. After all these years of ‘inactivity’ it seems to still be there.

My sabbatical. My endless inconclusive research and experimentation. The feelings of failure for not creating/showing/exhibiting or promoting. My lack of inspiration. The mourning of my muse. The acceptance of that loss. The resignation into other forms of expression. Taking the more academic route.

But maybe I can have both. Maybe life moves on and I can be inspired in different ways. Maybe I can still make work firmly rooted on the ground, rather than floating around, riding whatever gust of wind happened to blow at the time. Contentment and control never coincided in inspiration for artistic endeavour for me. Not yet anyway. I still live in hope.

Detouring

I’ve been on a long journey

away from myself

to find more of myself

to grow my new life

after culling the last one

In these four years which feel like ten

I have become part of a new world

learnt new language

experienced new worlds

explored new subcultures

made new people

lost life

went back to round zero again

to try to build something new on my ever-changing storm-swept plot

At the beginning again

always forgetting the time before

thinking that I have nothing to build on

despite having so much

Isolating myself when the world is just outside my window

Being petrified that I made the wrong choices

but accepting that I did what I thought was best at the time

Maybe I am not where I thought I would be

but I am somewhere all the same

and as places go it’s a good one

This long drive has taken me to many destinations

and however much I liked them I knew I could not stay forever

They would start evaporating and disappearing before my eyes

My transient feelings getting me up and out again

Moving forward and maybe backward

So far from where I started

It is impossible to go back

Just how it should be

 

Hello

Hello old me

Hello old you

I don’t know what to say anymore

Or rather I do

But I just don’t want to tell you

I don’t want to tell anyone

I want to keep it to myself

This time

Finally

It will remain

Undisclosed

Unshared

Private

 

 

 

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