Grief 3

Documenting my process The only way I know how to do things Making the feeling real As if it is not enough on its own My grief was put on pause for a few days As I turned on myself and then on my husband We took it out on each other Distracting ourselves from… Continue reading Grief 3

Grief 2

My midwife said that my baby dying will bring up historical issues and open old wounds stemming from the past injuries to my womanhood My body has let me down once again It has been placed under circumstances in which it had little control and a person died inside it Its responsibility My failure Wanting something and going through the motions… Continue reading Grief 2

Grief 1

We made you You grew inside me You lived inside me You died inside me You gave us a family You showed us ourselves in new ways in other capacities You made us whole and you made us incomplete My heart has never broken so much I naively thought it couldn’t get worse for me… Continue reading Grief 1

The inertia of happiness

I used to be stuck in a place where there was a drought of affection love through imagination happiness as a theory zen as a concept and so I created I made works They were my family my lovers my friends my whole self Now I am Stuck in a place I can’t write about with… Continue reading The inertia of happiness

How about?

How about life as one long walk instead of short sprints? How about letting achievement measure itself? How about giving in to the impulse to do nothing to find what’s missing? How about realising what rules you and rule it? How about finding your own boundaries instead of the restrictions of others? How about practicing… Continue reading How about?

Reincarnation

Silent like a baby in the womb Growing and Invisible I am getting there My new life in my only body transformed with time surrounded by new family and old ghosts A new research into life Not just pain Not just overcoming conquering healing but surfing the mundane seeing the beauty of banality the profundity… Continue reading Reincarnation

Embodiment

When Poetry becomes life and you forget to write it As an artist who has worked confessionally, cathartically, ritualistically and biographically, I always aimed to reach a resolution in my work. I did. I embodied everything I wanted to do and was it. The result was that the art vanished. I didn’t just want to… Continue reading Embodiment

Mum

I feel mum I am a child again I am going so far backwards I am pre-verbal I want to get it out but I can’t There is no vehicle through which to show my feelings I am stuck stunned between frustration irritation and fullness I am full but I can’t get it out I… Continue reading Mum

Much

If you are friends with everyone who are your real friends? If you have sex with anyone who do you really love? If you like everything what do you really want? If you have a massive bank account what is the value of your money? Abundance or Scarcity Creativity Evolution Gluttony Unappreciation Once I distract… Continue reading Much