Mum

I feel

mum

I am a child again

I am going so far backwards

I am pre-verbal

I want to get it out

but I can’t

There is no vehicle

through which

to show my feelings

I am stuck

stunned between

frustration

irritation

and fullness

I am full but

I can’t get it out

I hear my voice

I see the words

The meaning feels

far away

It’s not a hollowness

but it feels like one

It’s not foreign

because it is totally familiar

There are still holes

between my tapestry

And maybe

I still want them there