The brace is off
Any security in a belief and value system
is gone
My faith is dwindling
I am seeping into
an existential crisis
Which I have been told is
the most normal thing I have gone through
My head can no longer contain
the pressure inside it
My chest is imploding
There is not enough air
I can’t believe
I will ever be a mother
The template for
pregnancy and death
has been made
I feel separate to
everyone who manages it
Like I am a different species
I feel like
I know the secrets of the world
Everything nobody wants to talk about:
Fathers molesting
Mothers abandoning
Schoolmates raping
Family scapegoating
Babies dying
Losing home/culture/identity
I
am so sick of this biography
and I think I finally know
what I need to do
I have to
ACCEPT IT
even if I don’t want to
because
it is not a choice
it never has been
it never will be