A kind of heaviness
in my chest
intercepted with
pain
almost physical
I rub it sometimes
Changing breathing helps
but is very hard to sustain alone
I feel lonely
but can’t ask for a hug
I feel jealous
but I can’t say I know why
People seem to have more
than me
because I don’t know
their lives
I am tired of
strength and bravery
It doesn’t give me
space to mourn
space to grieve
space to be livid
with the appropriate people
I don’t want to show
sadness and misery
because it is
ungraceful
uncomfortable for others
But
I think I am at breaking point
I have to give in now
I can’t connect
Everything is a set-back
I know I will persevere
But
Now
I just want to
Give up
Give in
and Rest a while