It’s hard to love you
when I am triggered
It’s hard to love you
until it’s not
I get passive aggressive
when I feel I let something
I didn’t want
happen
Due to my lack of eloquence
on that matter
I feel I am in my own corner
You are not on my side
However hard you try to convince me of it
You have stormed out of the house
without your phone
and I am relaxed and lucid
I see that I need to be reasonable
while still trying to pinpoint
what
it is that bothers me
so that I can make it go away
It doesn’t seem to want to
The pain is making me want to be mean
It stops me from seeing what you do for me
It only sees what you don’t
which is very little in comparison
Each time this happens
it all happens faster in succession
the anger
the argument
the diffusion
the epiphany
the resolution
or part-resolution
You have taken it out of my control
It’s uncontained right now
I am pushing you away right now
I am doing myself a disservice right now
I am so numb right now
I am trying to come up with a conclusion
I am trying to sort it out
When I should just
let it go
and trust you
I just don’t want to be humiliated again
I don’t want to be outnumbered again
I don’t want to lose something big again
I’ve made you big
This is everything now
All of it