It’s been a while

Today I thought of you, blog. I have not spoken to you for a while. I must have been happy for a while. I still am. I feel I need to check in with you, my silent therapist.

It is Spring. My body feels good, despite a mundane ache and pain here and there. My personality seems stable, despite the wobbles every so often. My emotions are diverse but manageable. My motivation to learn is steadily increasing, as will my hours learning. I feel a lot has sunk in and more will sink in. I feel my self-consciousness still hinders me but it is decreasing by the day.

My personal project, my life, that aspect of reality that I spent an immeasurable amount of time running away from while at the same time understand, is now where I sit.  I am sitting in the kitchen of the flat where I live, which feels more and more like home. Normal attachment and development is taking place, despite me being about 25 years too old to be placed in such a phase.

This world is just different. It is abstract. It is 3D. It is open. It is linear. It is experimental. I can look at it boldly from a place of safety. I can start again. I feel like I was a baby last year, in a grown-up body. Now I feel like I have hit puberty. I am feeling more settled but unestablished, and not scared of it. I am feeling a bit rebellious but also diligently planning my future.

It is all happening in realtime and it is all finally real.