Self Pep Talk

So I laid into myself earlier

I made myself feel like a loser earlier

I looked at the ‘To Do’ pile

I ignored the ‘Done’ pile

Why are people such amnesiacs when it comes to

what’s been done?

Why can’t the feelings of achievement last?

Why can’t anything?

Everything is in constant movement

That does not mean loss necessarily

Yes I do feel reborn with all these changes

Yes it does feel great

Yes it does feel totally frightening

I can’t believe everything that happened

in 2014

was just in 2014

and it’s still not over

It feels like 5 years worth of movement

It feels like I rerouted a train

finally getting it onto the right course

still without a clear destination

I am exhausted

I am broke

I am out of work

I have no family support


I have a real partnership

I am planting my roots

I’ve established who I am

I am realising who I want to be

I have cut off from harmful relationships

I feel there is more of me now

As I write this giant black buzzing ball

flies around

frantically trying to get out

I open the window

It goes

I am so glad I don’t feel like that anymore