So I laid into myself earlier
I made myself feel like a loser earlier
I looked at the ‘To Do’ pile
I ignored the ‘Done’ pile
Why are people such amnesiacs when it comes to
what’s been done?
Why can’t the feelings of achievement last?
Why can’t anything?
Everything is in constant movement
That does not mean loss necessarily
Yes I do feel reborn with all these changes
Yes it does feel great
Yes it does feel totally frightening
I can’t believe everything that happened
in 2014
was just in 2014
and it’s still not over
It feels like 5 years worth of movement
It feels like I rerouted a train
finally getting it onto the right course
still without a clear destination
I am exhausted
I am broke
I am out of work
I have no family support
But
I have a real partnership
I am planting my roots
I’ve established who I am
I am realising who I want to be
I have cut off from harmful relationships
I feel there is more of me now
As I write this giant black buzzing ball
flies around
frantically trying to get out
I open the window
It goes
I am so glad I don’t feel like that anymore