Happy lostness

I’m happy

I don’t know how to live like this

I can’t create from this

I don’t have motivation from this

Maybe it is temporary

I am sure it is

Everything is

Every stage I have been through

has been

a stage

that’s passed

so fast

I can’t stay put

I have to put more on my plate

Private things

Maybe I don’t have to

disclose anything else

Maybe all I was doing for all these years was

crying out for help

for love

for appreciation

I’ve stopped shouting now

I have what I need

I don’t know who this new person will become

but I am sure I will find out

Ground zero is a frightful place

Only I am so relieved

I am empty now

I can’t re-ingest my crap

My head is throbbing

I am dehydrated

I’ve spent two days in bed

I’ve thought of options

I’ve got a timeline

My desires are surpassing my plan

I’ll get it together

I am only human

I need to learn to rest

without guilt or illness


is all I can do

right now

It won’t be right now

for very long