Saying no

to control

to protect

to make something wrong or right

to set a boundary

to expose our desires

When the no is nullified

When our no is not accepted

When we need to accept its unacceptance

When we do not

When no has no authority anymore

The bully still strikes

The rapist still rapes

The beater still hits

I always felt alone with my no

I always thought it was up to me

Now I am not so sure

I am starting to understand why laws exist

I am beginning to see the function of the police

even though I was taught to mistrust them

Feeling impotent because I said no and it was not respected

does not make it my fault

It just makes the other person a scumbag

The scum of which I had to wash off me

The scum of which probably will get smeared on others

I used to think my responsibility was to

warn others

tell my story as I see it

prevent it from happening again

Now I realised I excluded the one who disrespected my no

I overlooked all the hundred other factors

that contributed to whatever behaviour I was on the receiving end of

I took it personally

when I was probably just some kind of representation

and now all they are to me are


case studies

fodder for my analytical methods

my learning curve

that lead me to

getting as far away from them as possible