Saying no
to control
to protect
to make something wrong or right
to set a boundary
to expose our desires
When the no is nullified
When our no is not accepted
When we need to accept its unacceptance
When we do not
When no has no authority anymore
The bully still strikes
The rapist still rapes
The beater still hits
I always felt alone with my no
I always thought it was up to me
Now I am not so sure
I am starting to understand why laws exist
I am beginning to see the function of the police
even though I was taught to mistrust them
Feeling impotent because I said no and it was not respected
does not make it my fault
It just makes the other person a scumbag
The scum of which I had to wash off me
The scum of which probably will get smeared on others
I used to think my responsibility was to
warn others
tell my story as I see it
prevent it from happening again
Now I realised I excluded the one who disrespected my no
I overlooked all the hundred other factors
that contributed to whatever behaviour I was on the receiving end of
I took it personally
when I was probably just some kind of representation
and now all they are to me are
projections
case studies
fodder for my analytical methods
my learning curve
that lead me to
getting as far away from them as possible