Adult

So I’ve made it to that point

Adulthood

I finished a University degree

I still want another one

I got married

I think I just want to do that once

I have talked about

property

kids

work

travel

I sussed out the value system

of the society I now live in

Work seems to be the number 1

not just to make a living

not just about money

but intrinsically linked to

self-esteem and self-worth

As a feminist

I believe that we all need to have

the same opportunities

the same options

the freedom to make choices

without bias

And that does not mean

that we all need to be the same

That does not mean that

women will have no time for family

and will have to suppress their maternal nature

because it is not valued as much as

working in an office overtime every week

men will have no responsibility for childcare

because where women’s roles changed

men’s didn’t so much

We will reject everything that came before

because of the faults that system had…

Surely we see them

Surely we can work around them

The boxes that come up like

[The house owners]

[Those that rent]

[The ones with families]

[The ones with careers]

[The travellers]

What’s more important?

It is personal

So personal

I realised that I grew up with my own associations

The only thing that was ever secure in my upbringing was

Money

That was what was most important to my parents

It was the ‘crux of what society is based on’

(that’s a quote)

That was the answer to when I said:

“But it isn’t even real. It’s a belief. It is a concept.”

I still believe this

I also have come to understand that

Money is not the devil

Money is like food

Money is like sex

Money is like life

It is how you manage it and what you do with it

Not what it is

What it is only goes as far as how you relate to it

You can have an eating disorder or not

You can be sexually dysfunctional or not

You can spend your money stupidly or carefully

You can have a family

You can have a job

You can have a partner

All together

Just one

or

Not at all

That’s fine

I realise that even though floating around

Being based in Berlin

but also Australia

Travelling

Committing to what I believe is real

Which is my relationships

Not a mortgage

Not a job to make someone else money

Not a decision that took too much

rationalising

and rejecting

But my feelings

I have always chosen my feelings

but always thought long term

I left

the big house with the pool

and

the holiday house

in the Mediterranean

and the

oppressive

abusive

double standard

life that went with it

I want to float for a while

I want to see for a while

I want to just love for a while

And when I settle

Eventually

It will be the right place

for me